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Writer's pictureMatt Beisner

Parenting and K9 Coaching

Updated: Aug 13

Dog Training Secrets: How to Be a Better Parent Through Canine Coaching


Have you ever watched a seasoned dog trainer interact with a seemingly unruly pup or challenging teen and wondered how they maintain such calm and consideration? The truth is, many of the skills and techniques used in dog training can be directly applied to parenting. It's a fascinating connection that can both transform and sustain your approach to raising children.

Just as dogs require patience, consistency, and positive reinforcement, so do children. By understanding the underlying principles of dog behavior, parents can gain valuable insights into child psychology and development. In this blog post, we'll explore how to harness the power of dog training to become a more effective and confident parent.


Building Trust and Respect

Nurturing Bonds: The Cornerstone of Effective Training aka Learning

A strong foundation built on consideration, curiosity, and care is essential for both successful dog training and positive parenting. Just as a dog looks to its owner for guidance and reinforcement, children rely on their parents to provide a secure, engaging and loving environment.

By establishing open communication and consistent boundaries, you create a space where both your child and your dog might feel safe to explore and grow. Keep in mind that there is a visceral difference between “being safe” and “feeling safe” and that ultimately, your dog, like your child, will determine what feels best for them. (We’ll save the “you have to eat your broccoli” dilemma for another time).  

Remember that trust is earned through reliability and honesty. When your dog or child knows they can rely on you, they are more likely to experience the love you have for them, and express the love they have for you. I hope ALL of you get to know what it feels like to be loved by both your child and furry family members. It’s awesome. Period.


Consistency is Key…and Flexibility is your Superpower

Creating Structure for Success

Dogs thrive on routine, and children benefit from structure as well. Predictability reduces stress. So consistency in your interactions with both your dog and child can create a sense of predictability that fosters co-regulation (think: oxytocin, “the love drug” and its anti-inflammatory properties) and self-regulation. A healthier nervous system makes for more resilient children. Nothing models emotional resilience like a flexible adult. 

By establishing clear expectations - and staying open to the changing course of life - you can teach both your dog and child what they’ll need to know to navigate the world around them, weathering external and internal storms, all while growing stronger through life’s harder learned lessons. My wife is really good at this with our kids. I still struggle with the unlearning of how I was raised but I follow her lead and it never fails. 

Just recently I opened a page from one of my morning meditations which talked about how important it is to learn how to do hard things. I was struck with gratitude. I wouldn’t trade any of my life’s struggles, because they have allowed me to know who I am, and help others to find the same. Not the world itself can change the child that knows who they are.


Positive Reinforcement: The Power of Praise

Rewarding Good Behavior: A Win-Win Approach

Positive reinforcement is a cornerstone of effective dog training, and it's equally powerful in parenting. By focusing on rewarding desired behaviors, it's much easier to nurture positive associations, and help your child to internalize the desire to repeat those actions.

Understanding this marked a monumental shift in my perception. By focusing on what my dogs and kids are “doing right” I found myself unburdened from the inevitable score-keeping that comes with trying to change someone else’s behavior. Truth is, constantly catching my kids doing something “wrong” isn’t good for my health or theirs.

Whether it's a simple "good job", a special treat, or even just a proud smile, acknowledging your child's accomplishments can boost their self-esteem and encourage continued positive behavior. Remember, small rewards can go a long way in shaping your child's character. NEVER underestimate the power of praise. 


Overcoming Challenges

Tackling Troubles: Common Issues and Solutions

Both dogs and children experience challenges as they grow and learn. Whether it's puppy biting or a child's difficulty with their developing emotional life, (which is often slandered as “tantrums”), considering the root of the problem is the first step towards finding a shared solution.

By applying a calm, patient and reflective approach, e.g. asking “when did you start feeling frustrated?” after they’ve destroyed something, you can address these issues simply and safely, for them. Remember “being safe v. feeling safe”? The power of being heard and seen by someone can literally change the trajectory of a kid’s day. And life.

To that end I have added two vital practices to my parenting approach: making amends to my kids (and dogs) when I’ve upset them, and keeping a nightly journal of my uneasy feelings, thoughts and behaviors from the day, with a focus on what I can do better the next day. The latter helps me sleep better. The former gets me through days where I just can’t seem to parent anyone right. I see now that by making amends to my kids (and dogs) I am both practicing and modeling how to repair mistakes. It’s proving to be a healing experience for them to have and a superpower skill for them to build on.


The Role of Patience and the Power of Forgiveness

Cultivating Patience: A Virtue for Both Species

Patience is a virtue that is often tested in both dog training and parenting. It requires self-control, understanding, and a deep well of empathy. Just as you would with a puppy, teenager, or ailing senior dog, it's important to set realistic expectations for your child's development.

Remember, learning takes time. Progress is not linear. There will be setbacks and frustrations along the way. By practicing patience, you’ll keep creating a calm and supportive environment where your child can feel safe to explore and grow. 

Remember to take breaks for yourself when needed and find healthy ways to manage stress. One of the greatest tools I have received is forgiveness, for myself. It’s the cornerstone of my own ability to bounce back from poorly made choices. Self forgiveness helps me get right back into the moment with my dog and child. It reboots my patience. In fact, I think it’s impossible to have patience without the ability to forgive. 

As a concept, or moral imperative, “Forgiveness” had long been difficult for me to square. Maybe chalk that up to being a preacher’s kid. 

It was my friend Pat who made it accessible. Pat had served in Vietnam. He knew well the weight of things he could not undo. But ultimately he had survived even that, through the power of forgiveness. 

“Forgiveness,” Pat once said to me, “is the willingness to see things differently. If you can see things differently, then you can behave differently.” And that freedom, my dear dog and human parents, is what I wish for you.


The parallels between dog training and parenting are undeniable. By understanding my core principles in transformative dog training, parents can gain valuable insights into nurturing their children's growth and development. From building trust and establishing routines to practicing patience and positive reinforcement, to making amends and forgiving the hurts, the lessons learned from training a dog can be instrumental in creating a harmonious and loving family environment.

Remember, every child, like every dog, is unique. What works for one may not work for another. The key is to observe, adapt, and remain patient. Let consideration and honesty be your guardrails. By applying these principles you can embark on a rewarding journey of raising a well-adjusted and confident child. Your dog may thank you for that too.

If you're looking for additional support or personalized guidance, don't hesitate to reach out to Matt at THE ZEN DOG for training support.



For more of Matt's thoughts and advise check out interviews and podcasts here:https://www.thezendog.com/praise

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